Grace: For Those Who Will Never Measure Up

"Don't look in the mirror, Liv. You'll just be disappointed by what you see."

I shook my head in an effort to erase the intrusive thought from my mind. Keeping my eyes trained safely on my shoes, I shuffled forward quietly. Head down. Shoulders slumped. Determined to ignore the thought and move on. But as I walked past the mirror, I couldn't help it. I had to look.

And you know what? I was disappointed by what I saw.

But this wasn't the first time I'd felt like I couldn't possibly measure up. Like no matter what I did I would never, ever be enough. In fact, variations of these same feelings of failure have been circulating around my brain since I was old enough to care about the opinions of others. But since I'm sure most of us have faced these thoughts, it's probably safer to say that people have been facing feelings of judgment or inadequacy since the days when people first began. I'm confident that Adam and Eve felt these kinds of things too.

One night during my Freshman year at Brigham Young University, I made my way home from a long day of school feeling utterly defeated. Due to unresolvable health issues, my body was getting continual weaker. My grades were slipping almost daily and I was struggling to maintain a passing score. I didn't have very many friends, and I knew that it was mostly my fault because I never felt well enough to go to social events. I was in survival mode, and to be completely honest, I had lost all motivation to care. So what if I failed my classes? So what if I stop going to the doctor? I wasn't getting better anyway, so what was the point in trying?

When I arrived home, there was a printed out copy of President Nelson's, "A Plea to My Sisters," sitting on my desk. More curious than motivated to nourish my spirit, I began to read.

I read as President Nelson entreated the sisters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to be women of God: strong, courageous, converted and organized. Women who knew who they were and where they were going. Women who trusted God. Women who had hope in Christ. He pleaded with us to speak up and share our voices with the world, and to get to know the voice and character of God. He wanted us to be resilient and faithful and good.

And as I read about these women, I cried because I knew I was not one of them.

Sure, there were times I felt strong and courageous. There were days I felt converted. But there were also days that I felt so close to giving up. There were days where I wanted to give up.

And so I cried because I couldn't see how I could ever be a faithful and exemplary woman of God.

I've thought about that night since then and I've wondered what kept me from giving up when I wanted so badly to do just that. What sustained me through my failures and inadequacies?

It came down to the words of Jeffrey R Holland.

"Only the adversary, the enemy of us all, would try to convince us that the ideals outlined in general conference are depressing and unrealistic, that people don't really improve, that no one really progresses. And why does Lucifer give that speech? Because he knows he can't improve, he can't progress, that worlds without end he will never have a bright tomorrow. He is a miserable man bound by eternal limitations, and he wants you to be miserable too. Well, don't fall for that. With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is that we get credit for trying, even if we don't always succeed."

We get credit for trying, even if we don't always succeed. Isn't that the purpose of the atonement of Christ? Isn't that the very essence of His grace?

Your potential to become an exemplary man or woman of God is not dependant on your ability to succeed. It is dependant on your ability to try.

And trying is all that He asks of us.

So next time you can't stand to look in the mirror because you're afraid of being disappointed in the person staring back at you, I invite you to be compassionate to yourself and to extend the same grace and second chances that the Savior would offer to you if He were here.

Because He certainly is here.